Douche Bag, You Have a Call on Line 2

Dear Dr. Feeley,

I don't know how they did it in the 1700s, but nowdays it's un-FUCKING-cool to slobber over, make lewd insinuations about, or otherwise man handle your staff. Cause for one-you're ancient and smell like a dead skunk. Not to mention it's against the law.

So next time you get a hankering gramps, grab a hanky and do it in the can.

Totally Disgusted,
AnonyB.tch